on a Thursday walk my footsteps march like ticking seconds forced because I need exercise, the knee hurts and head spins spins with smeared thoughts of color slapped on a canvas of confusion mom never let me feel she would counter with why? rather than ask what? clouds on Thursdays sometimes wrench me back home and the war to choose sides starts again

cut off with a sneer at a stop sign, I was cut deeply by what folded over me like a cloud on a perfect day those glasses of hope I wear my worship of kindness my poetry of hopeful endings might be the fantasies of a fool as feeling, thinking, animal men isn’t the beast in us the strongest, able to wipe out love and its allies this vampire of need rarely interested in sharing blood but drinking all it can I really need to stop yearning for a joyful earth, and focus on

on the sidewalk we pass, unknown degrees of caring, a random junction of two lives, the quick crossing of paths, just one of many thousands that won’t alter either of us so it makes perfect sense to show the dull look, useless grunt or fake smile to every stranger today I said to a couple who stopped to drink ah, the horses need water too . . . he whinnied, she bucked